I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
