drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Say something about gay babies.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
