I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
