i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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