Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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