I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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