The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
