i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
