at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
