I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
