we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
