did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
