i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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