whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
