When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
