he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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