He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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