Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My dick has a subreddit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
