I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
