So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
