Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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