my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
