I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
