i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
