dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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