does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
