the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
birth control should be required to get into college
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
