so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
