woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
