i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
