You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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