what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
