maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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