thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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