I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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