Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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