So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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