Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
