I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
