Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
