Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You took a bar mat shot.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
