I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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