why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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