His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
