So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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