Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
