thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
