i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
