she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
