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Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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