in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
