OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
